20 Good Things That Happened in 2020

With the way this year turned out, it may have been hard to see the good in every day, but even with the pandemic, there were lots of good things that have happened for me.

I am so grateful for what I have, and all the good that has happened, even in the midst of a difficult time.

Here are 20 good things that happened for me this year:

1. Being able to keep my job through this pandemic
2. Learning new crochet stitches
3. Crocheting a sweater for my dad
4. Celebrating my niece's birthday
5. Celebrating my nephew's birthday
6. Cooking Thanksgiving dinner
7. Baking a pumpkin pie for Thanksgiving
8. Celebrating Thanksgiving with my family
9. Celebrating Christmas with my family
10. Getting a birthday card from my dad
11. Seeing several cardinals on my way home from work on multiple days
12. Seeing woodpeckers on my way home from work
13. Participating in the 2020 Joni and Friends Walk 'N' Roll virtual event
14. Joining a Zoom series chat with my Joni and Friends retreat friends
15. Participating in a Joni and Friends virtual Christmas gathering
16. Baking a cake for my birthday
17. A girl saying hi to me, while I was walking to work
18. Finally getting to watch the play Hamilton on Disney+
19. Lots of snuggles with my cats
20. Baking cookies for Christmas

What are some good things that happened to you this year? I hope there were more good things than not so good in your year.

If this year was not a good year for you, I hope better days are ahead.

My Top 10 Goals I Would Like To Accomplish By The End of 2021

I love making goals for myself, even though I don't achieve many of them (and the ones I do accomplish took longer than expected to achieve).

I have a lot of goals I would like to accomplish in life, but these are the ones I would like to work on, and/or complete this year.

1. Save 2/3 of each paycheck
   I am one of those people that spends more than they save, and I want to change that.
   
   
2. Be an STM at a Joni and Friends retreat
   I got to got to my very first Joni and Friends retreat in 2019, and instantly fell in love. I didn't get to go last year, obviously because of Covid, but I am hoping this year goes better, and that they will be able to be held this year.
   
   
3. Get my bedroom redecorated (walls repainted, new bed, etc.)
   My bedroom has been the same since I was a kid, and I am tired of how it looks. 
   
   
4. Travel to New York
   I have always wanted to go to New York, and I have been thinking about actually going for the last few years.
   
   
5. Practice my cake/cookie/baked goods decorating skills more regularly
   I took baking and decorating classes in college, but have hardly used them since graduating. I would love to make more desserts and to decorate them, more often.
   
   
6. Purchase a laptop for myself
   It is kind of frustrating when we have one working computer in the house, to use among four people, so I would love to be able to have my own computer/laptop
   
   
7. Purchase a DSLR camera for myself
   Photography is one of my main passions, and I would like to get a good DSLR camera for myself, so I can learn how to take better pictures.
   
   
8. Create a vision board
   I love vision boards, and I think it's a great idea having a board of things you would like to have/do/experience in your life, in a place where you can see it every day.
   
   
9. Get into a loving, caring, healthy relationship with a significant other
   I am more than ready to be in a relationship, and I hope it happens sooner rather than later.
   
   
10. Get my driver's license
    I am not confident in my driving ability, even though I have taken driver's ed in high school. I want to work on that, and be more independent. I don't want to have to rely on other people taking me places all the time.

The First Sweater I Have Ever Made

For the last few years, my dad had been asking me to make him a sweater, as he knew I was a knitter and crocheter.

I never got around to it, mainly because I wanted to focus on school (I graduated last year). And, I was apprehensive about making a sweater, as I had never made one before.

At the beginning of this month, I finally bit the bullet, and bought the supplies to make one, and got started.

There were two stitches in the pattern I used (this one), that I had never done before, so I looked up how to on YouTube. The stitches are front post double crochet, and back post double crochet.

It took me a few tries, but I was able to figure out the stitches, and I got the hang of it.

These stitches were for the ribbing on the bottom of the body, and on the ends of the sleeves.

I started out with the back piece of the body, and I was having a hard time with that piece at first. I figured out I wasn't reading it right, and got it after a few days.

Then it was on to the front, which was a little different than the back. 

I had to figure out how to do the arm and shoulder shaping, so it confused me at first (I don't know why). But it suddenly clicked one day, and I was good to go after that.

Back

Front

Front on the left, back on the right

Once I finished the front and back pieces, I moved on to the sleeves. 

Once again, I was having a hard time with the pattern for the sleeves, for whatever reason.

I got the ribbing part, but the rest was proving difficult. But, as with the body, I was able to figure out how to work the sleeves, and got them done in a few days.

One of the finished sleeves

After about two weeks, I finished all of the pieces, (to be honest, it took less time than I thought it would), and I am happy with how they turned out.

All of the finished pieces

It took me another week or so to sew all the pieces together, as well as making the neckband, but that was only because I was procrastinating on doing so.

But, I finished it on Christmas eve, which I was so happy about.

I gave the sweater to my dad for Christmas, and he put it on after everyone opened up all of our gifts.

The whole thing turned out a lot better than I expected, but to be honest, I am glad it's finished. There was a lot of learning, frustration, and redoing parts of it, and I am glad I got it done.

The only thing is, the neckband is way too wide, so I will have to fix that somehow.

Otherwise, my dad says it fits perfectly, and he loves it. I am relieved, and happy, that it came out as well as it did and that he loves it.

And that I finally made the darn thing.

Now that I know I can make a sweater, I am more confident in my abilities, and will definitely be making more big projects in the future.

My 2021 Word of the Year: Courage

I have been doing word of the year for a few years now, and it has gone ok, but it definitely needs some work.

I was recently thinking about what I want my word to be for 2021, and saw the word courage somewhere (I don't remember where, exactly).

Courage is the perfect word for me, as I tend to shy away from a lot of things that would put me out of my comfort zone on many occasions.

And I want to change that.

As a very shy and introverted person, most of my time that is not spent at work is spent at home. I will either be playing a video game (I have been playing video games A LOT this year), listening to music, watching a movie, or hanging out in my room.

Which is why I don't do the things I really want to do much of the time. 

Things like:

• Talking to people, and in turn making more friends (I don't have very many friends)
• Traveling to new or favorite places
• Getting my driver's license, and driving
• Working at a bakery, and improving my baking and decorating skills
• Taking better care of myself (and loving myself)
• To be in a relationship with a significant other
• Asking for help when I am struggling
• Living on my own
• Shaving my head at least once in my life (yes, I want to shave my head!)
• Calling people (I hate making phone calls, especially to people I don't know)
• Reaching out to current friends, to talk or do things with
• Going to events in the city that I would really like to go to (concerts, plays, etc.)

I want to have the courage to be who I really am, and to do the things I really want to do. I want to have the courage to stand up for myself, to have my voice heard.

A lot of people have made me feel like I am not worth getting to know, not worth being friends with, not worth being heard, not worth making memories with.

I am one of those people that cares about what others think of me, which is why I hesitate to do things, why I hesitate to be the real me.

And I want to have the courage to change that.

My 2021 Bucket List

I am always thinking about things I want to do, and am always making bucket lists for different aspects of my life.

Here is what I would like to do in 2021:

• Get my driver's license
• Be an STM at a Joni and Friends Retreat
• Go to the Joni and Friends Walk 'N' Roll
• See a movie at a drive-in movie theater
• Visit the zoo
• Be in a loving, caring relationship with a significant other
• Have a more balanced diet
• Exercise on a regular basis
• Have a skincare routine that works for me
• Have a haircare routine that works for me
• Buy as DSLR camera
• Buy a laptop
• Spend the day (or a few) in the city
• Have a girls' night out/in
• Have at least one spa day a month
• Visit New York
• Go to a fall fest
• Cook Thanksgiving dinner
• Host at least one game night
• Host a Friendsgiving
• Go on a road trip with friends
• Have at least one photoshoot done
• Save more money than I spend
• Learn how to French braid
• Learn how to do a fishtail braid
• Learn how to apply my own makeup
• Be more confident in myself
• Learn how to do calligraphy
• Go horseback riding
• Go sledding
• Ride my bike often
• Try at least five new-to-me restaurants
• Make new/more friends
• Take up painting
• Knit/crochet one item a month
• Learn to sew
• Work on writing a book
• Pay for someone's drink/meal
• Learn Spanish
• Learn sign language
• Complete a video game
• Learn how to make macarons
• Bake something at least once a week
• Go on a picnic
• Write in a prayer journal on a regular basis
• Visit at least one friend in another city/state
• Sponsor a child
• Go on a shopping trip with friends
• Become more independent
• Start my photography degree
• Start my own YouTube channel
• Learn how to film, edit, and upload videos
• Keep in contact with my friends on a more regular basis
• Tie dye/bleach dye clothes
• Have at least one beach day
• Keep a prayer journal
• Diffuse essential oils
• Make my own pizza
• Make chalk art on the sidewalk
• Go tubing
• Visit relatives
• Buy and lay (lie?) in a hammock
• Play laser tag
• Go paintballing
• Get my passport
• Get a tattoo in memory of my mom
• Get another piercing in each ear
• Get my nose pierced
• Write at least one song
• Put together a 3D puzzle
• Make friendship bracelets
• Make a cake and decorate it
• Make ice cream
• Play with bubbles
• Run through the sprinklers
• Have a water balloon/water gun fight
• Learn how to play the ukulele
• Go for early morning walks
• Take better care of my mental health
• Learn how to use chopsticks
• Dye my hair a crazy color
• Keep my bedroom clean
• Own a denim jacket, and decorate it with patches
• Have a snowball fight
• Go sledding
• Shave my head
• Make a hot chocolate charcuterie for winter
• 
  

Yes, I know this is a lot, but I want to do a lot in my life, and I think this is a good start for 2021.

What I Got for Christmas 2020

First, I would like to say merry Christmas to those who celebrate! To those who do not, I hope you have a wonderful day, whatever you do.

My dad, brothers and I opened presents on Christmas Eve, and then my sister and her family came over on Christmas day for a little bit, and we opened up more gifts.

This is what I got for Christmas this year:

• Believe by Andrea Bocelli CD
• Once Upon a Time season 3 on DVD
• Downton Abbey season 5 on DVD
• Kingdom Hearts: The Story So Far PlayStation 4 game
• Taste of Home Meal Planning: Smart Meal Prep to Carry You Through the Week cookbook
• Cell phone case
• Portable cell phone charger
• USB cables for cell phone
• The Hunger Games: Catching Fire DVD
• WREBBIT 3D Harry Potter The Burrow puzzle
• Amazon Echo Dot
• Amazon Smart Plug (works with Alexa)
• Baby Yoda plushie (not on my wishlist, but I love it!)
• Lego The Incredibles PlayStation 4 game (not on my wishlist, but I will play it)
• Lego City Undercover PlayStation 4 game (not on my wishlist, but I will play it)
• Sunrise Wake Up Light alarm clock
• Real Life Dinners cookbook by Rachel Hollis
• Going the Distance by Jonathan Antoine CD

I am happy with what I got, and enjoyed spending time with my family. I just wish the days lasted a little longer. Christmas went by way too fast for me.

I have already started using my Echo dot, and am having way too much fun with it!

Christmas was definitely unusual this year, but I still had a good holiday season. Hopefully next year will be better, and we can spend more time with others, in person rather than through video chatting.

Merry Christmas!!

My Favorite Christmas Songs

I love Christmas music, and always look forward to the time of year, when radio stations start playing this type of music.

I do have my favorite songs, that I absolutely love listening to. I never get tired or hearing them, and look forward to the songs every holiday season.

My favorite songs are:

• God Bless Us Everyone by Andrea Bocelli
  (from the 2009 version of the movie A Christmas Carol)
• The Kenny Rogers and Wynona Judd version of Mary, Did You Know?
• Dominick the Donkey/The Italian Christmas Donkey
• O, Holy Night
• It Came Upon a Midnight Clear
• Mele Kalikimaka by Bing Crosby
• Believe by Josh Groban
  (from the movie The Polar Express)
• Adeste Fideles
• O Come All Ye Faithful
• The Burl Ives version of Holly Jolly Christmas
• The Johnny Mathis version of It's Beginning to Look a Lot Like Christmas
• Angels We Have Heard on High
• Santa Claus is Coming to Town
• O Come Emmanuel
• Hallelujah
• We Three Kings of Orient Are
• Mary's Boy Child
• Gene Autry's version of Up On The House Top
• Elvis Presley's version of Here Comes Santa Claus 
• Peace on Earth/Little Drummer Boy by Bing Crosby & David Bowie
• The Harry Simeone Chorale version of Little Drummer Boy
• Caroling, Caroling by Nat King Cole

What are your favorite holiday songs? If you celebrate Christmas, I hope you have a wonderful Christmas time, and that it is as memorable as possible.

My Friendship Bucket List

I have done many wonderful things with my friends over the years, but lately, I haven't been able to do as much as I would have liked (not just this year, but in years past as well).

And I want to change that. I love my friends, and would love to be able to do more things with them.

Here is what I would like to do with my friends, in no particular order.

• Have photoshoots
• Go on a girls road trip
• Have a regular game night
• Have a spa day
• Go to a local football game
• Go camping
• Have a picnic
• Have a shopping day
• Go to a paint night together
• Go swimming
• Do a gift challenge
• Go to a concert
• Go indoor skydiving
• Write letters to each other, to open in ten years
• Have sleepovers
• Have a movie night
• Go to the beach
• Bake together
• Go to a drive-in movie theater
• Make pizza from scratch
• Spend a day at an amusement park
• Make friendship bracelets
• Go to the zoo
• Write a song
• Go to a pumpkin patch
• Go ice skating
• Host a craft night
• Go to a museum
• Go to a carnival
• Have a water balloon fight
• Put a puzzle together
• Visit a foreign country
• Binge-watch a TV show
• Visit a Disney park
• Make scrapbooks
• Do an Escape Room
• Host a Friendsgiving
• Celebrate New Year's
• Have a Christmas party
• Celebrate Galentine's Day
• Go thrifting
• Carve/decorate pumpkins
• Play on a playground
• Go on bike rides
• Make s'mores
• Go ziplining
• Go on double dates
• Volunteer together
• Have a silly string fight
• Host/have bbqs
• Fly a kite
• Paint/decorate white sneakers
• Decorate gingerbread houses (Halloween, Christmas, etc.)
• Make Christmas cookies
• Dye our hair
• Take selfies with each other
• Have a girls' night
• Take pictures in a photo booth
• Make vision boards/books
• Have an all nighter
• Get henna tattoos

I may add more if I think of anything, but I think this is a good start to what I want to do with my friends.

Christmas Stocking Stuffer Ideas

My family and I haven't done Christmas stockings in years, but I always loved them, and seeing what I got in mine.

If you are doing stockings for Christmas, and don't know what to put in them, here is a list of ideas for what to get for your family (and anyone else you may be giving them to).

• Gift cards (favorite restaurants, coffee places, Apple, favorite stores, etc.)
• Favorite candy/gum/snacks
• Socks
• Perfume/cologne/body mist
• Body wash
• Loofahs
• Toy cars
• Nail polish
• Nail files/clippers
• Hand sanitizer
• Hair ties
• Headbands
• Deodorant
• Bath bombs
• Bath salt
• Chocolate
• Jewelry
• Cell phone chargers
• Makeup
• Makeup brushes
• Makeup remover wipes
• Money
• Books
• Brushes/combs
• Fairy lights
• Coloring books
• Colored pencils
• Journals
• Magazine Subscriptions
• Lip gloss
• Hand lotion
• Candles
• Scarves
• Hats
• Gloves
• Sleep masks
• Shaving kits
• Ear buds
• Bluetooth speakers
• Cell phone cases
• Wallets
• Stickers
• Crayons
• Playdough
• Stuffed animals
• Card games
• Travel games
• Legos
• Sidewalk chalk
• Glow stick bracelets/necklaces
• Slinky
• Silly straws
• Onesies
• Sippy cups
• Teethers
• Pop sockets
• Beauty blenders (or similar)
• Face masks (for healthier skin)
• Pacifier
• Erasers
• Water bottles
• Tea
• Travel mugs
• Mini flashlights
• Movies
• Grilling items
• Sunglasses
• Puzzle books
• Playing cards
• Movie tickets
• Bouncy balls
• Jump ropes
• fruit snacks (kids)
• Crackers
• Gel pens
• Frisbees
• Nightlights
• Knitting supplies
• Crochet supplies
• Keychains
• Baking supplies (spatula, cookie cutters, cupcake liners, etc.)
• Slime
• Conair perfect bun maker
• Mugs
• Temporary tattoos
• Fidget toys/items
• Bobby pins
• Finger puppets
• Hand warmers
• Finger painting kits
• FitBit
• Reusable grocery bags
• Homemade soap
• Rubber stamp sets
• Memory cards
• Amazon Echo Dot
• Pajamas
• Instax camera film
• Hot cocoa mix kit
• Watches
• Manicure/pedicure sets
• Scrunchies
• Painting supplies
• Photo albums

Whatever you put in the stockings, I hope they are a big hit for whoever they are for!

My 2020 Christmas Wishlist

Since 2020 went in a direction no one ever expected, I started writing my Christmas list ages ago, and came up with this list of things I would like to get for the holidays.

It took me a while to decide what I really wanted to get this year, and what I would be willing to wait for, for some other time.

So, this is my 2020 Christmas Wishlist:

• Taco Cat Goat Cheese Pizza Card Game
• Paint brushes
• Canvas boards
• Acrylic paint
• The Hunger Games Catching Fire DVD
• The Sims 4 PlayStation 4 game
• Kingdom Hearts 3 PlayStation 4 game
• WREBBIT 3D Harry Potter the Knight Bus Jigsaw Puzzle
• WREBBIT 3D Harry Potter the Burrow Weasley Family Home Jigsaw Puzzle
• UNO Flip Game
• What Do You Meme? Party Game
• Joking Hazard Deck Enhancement #2
• UNO Attack! Card Game
• Wonder Woman DVD
• Funko POP Doctor Who Tenth Doctor
• Downton Abbey Season 5 on DVD
• Star Wars Episode 1: The Phantom Menace on DVD
• Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone book on CD
• Wake Up Light Sunrise Alarm Clock
• Echo Dot
• Amazon Basics Colored Pencils
• Kingdom Hearts The Story So Far PlayStation 4 game
• Sketchpad
• Taste of Home Meal Planning Cookbook
• Going the Distance by Jonathan Antoine CD
• Bonanza Season 4 on DVD
• Real Life Dinners cookbook by Rachel Hollis
• Christmas is Here! by Pentatonix CD
• Cell phone wall charger
• Once Upon a Time Season 3 on DVD
• Cell phone case
• Lego the Hobbit PlayStation 4 game
• Portable phone charger
• Outlander season 1 on DVD
• Who Can Do It card game
• Incohearent card game
• Believe by Andrea Bocelli CD

Yes, I know this is a lot. I do not expect to get all of these for Christmas, these are just things I would LIKE to get. I will be happy with whatever I get for Christmas.

My Winter 2020/2021 Bucket List

I love making bucket lists, especially seasonal/holiday lists. It is always fun to think of things I would like to do, and to check them off once they are done.

Here is my winter 2020/2021 bucket list, in no particular order:

• Knit or crochet a blanket
• Decorate my room for Christmas/winter
• Bake Christmas cookies
• Make a snowman
• Have a weekly spa day
• Journal
• Make friendship bracelets
• Learn sign language
• Learn Spanish
• Learn to sew
• Learn how to French braid
• Drink hot chocolate
• Go ice skating
• Play board/card/video games
• Make paper snowflakes
• Build and decorate a gingerbread house
• Learn how to apply makeup
• Take up painting
• Make a vision board/notebook
• Host a game night
• Purchase and wear Christmas/winter pajamas
• Put together a puzzle (or two!)
• Dye my hair green for St. Patrick's Day
• Dye my hair red, pink, or purple for Valentine's Day
• Bake a loaf of bread
• Watch Christmas movies
• Send Christmas cards
• Go for a winter walk
• Make ornaments
• Make a pillow/blanket fort
• DIY snowglobes
• Put photos into albums/scrapbooks
• Put up fairy lights in my room
• Figure out a hair care routine that works for me, and keep up with it
• Figure out a skin care routine that works for me, and keep up with it

What are some things you would like to do this winter? 

What I Am Thankful For in 2020

2020 has been one heck of a year. Even with everything that happened this year, this is so much that I am thankful for, things that I will always be thankful for, not just this time of year.

• Being able to keep my job (I know many people had lost their jobs because of Covid, which is/was NOT their fault, but I was-and am-fortunate enough to still have my job during all of this)
• My workplace figuring out ways in which to keep everyone (both employees and patrons) safe during this time
• My home
• Being able to vote in the presidential election
• Clean, running water whenever I need/want it
• My favorite blogs
• My favorite YouTubers/YouTube channels
• My friends, both old and new
• My family
• My cats
• Joni and Friends
• Zoom get-togethers with my Joni and Friends "family" 
• Co-workers emailing/texting/calling me every once in a while, to see how I am doing
• Naps (I love to sleep!)
• My cats
• Snuggles with my cats
• Photography
• Baking
• Writing
• Long conversations with friends (whether it be through phone calls, in-person, or text messages)
• Essential workers who were, and are, willing to work through this pandemic, to help others
• Masks, gloves, and other ppe's that can help protect people from sickness
• Text messaging with friends, family
• Grief Share, which a co-worker turned me on to
• My favorite TV shows
• My favorite movies
• My favorite music
• My favorite books
• Grocery home delivery services
• Being able to have the Joni and Friends Walk 'N' Roll event through Zoom
• Audiobooks
• Fall colors (leaves changing to all different colors, pumpkins, etc.)
• Pumpkin pie (I love pumpkin pie!!!)
• Brussels sprouts (yes, Brussels sprouts...one of my favorite veggies!!!)
• Showers and baths
• Chocolate
• Video games (I have been playing video games A LOT this year)
• Board games
• Card games
• Sweaters in cold weather
• Central air
• Headphones
• Pinterest
• Musical instruments (especially violins, as I used to play)
• Knitting
• Crochet
• Audiobooks
• Netflix
• Disney Plus
• Puzzles
• Christmas music
• Backpacks (I LOVE backpacks, and have several of them!)
• Edible cookie dough
• Comforters
• My bed
• Songs that speak to me (and when they come on the radio at the right time)
• Alone time
• Silence (sometimes, I just prefer to have silence over sound)
• Notebooks and pens (I love notebooks, and have accumulated a very large number of them, especially composition notebooks)
• Making a sweater for my dad
• Learning new crochet stitches

To those who celebrate, happy Thanksgiving!! What are you thankful for this year?

New York Times Journaling

Yesterday, I saw a post on the Girls' Life website (yes, I read Girls' Life, as they do have some good ideas), about a trend going around on TikTok about NYT journaling.

Basically, you read the Times (or any newspaper of your choosing), then cut out articles, headlines, or photos that spark an interest with you, and put them into a notebook, as a sort of time capsule/collage-type journal.

I loved the idea, so I have been reading my local newspapers (something which I have seldom done up until now), and already have a nice collection of articles and photos that interested me.

This type of journaling is a very good way of remembering the events that have happened, and gives people a creative outlet in life, and I don't know why I didn't think of doing this before!

Journaling is one of my favorite things to do, as it gives me a sense of what I want to say, and it helps me remember the things that are important. I am a shy, quiet person, so this gives me a voice.

It helps me to say the things I want and need to say, when I can't find the words to say what I want out loud.

My collection so far. Sorry for the blurry picture, my phone camera just wouldn't cooperate with me, and this was the best I could get.

I can't wait to start putting my journal together, with all of the newspaper clippings I collect. I am always looking for creative things to do, and this is one thing I am happy to try out.

Where I See Myself in the Next 5 Years

I always think about my future, and what I hope to do, and making lists like this helps me think about the steps I need to take, in order to do these things.

Here is how and where I see myself in the next five years:

• Saving most of the money I earn
  
  
  
• Living on my own
  
  
  
• Working on my photography degree
  
  
  
• More confident in myself
  
  
  
• Being in a loving, caring, healthy relationship with a significant other
  
  
  
• Engaged
  
  
  
• Married
  
  
  
• Starting my own family
  
  
  
• Having my driver's license (and being more confident in my driving abilities)
  
  
  
• Traveling more
  
  
  
• Working on writing my first book

I may add a few more things to this, but as of right now, this is where I see myself in the next five years. And I am pretty happy with what I put down.

Now, I just need to work on making these things happen!

2020 Joni and Friends Walk 'N' Roll

Yesterday, we held the annual Joni and Friends Walk 'N' Roll over Zoom.

It would normally have been in person, of course, but with how this year has gone, that was not possible. There is usually a 3-mile walk, lunch, activities, and music.

This year, there was prayer, music, a game (pictionary), and a recap of how much money was raised.

It was good to see some of my JAF friends, and to raise money for the organization (the fundraiser is being kept open for the rest of the month, so if you are interested, and are able to donate, you can find out more, and to go to my page HERE).

I raised 45% of my goal, which is not bad for me. I was actually kind of surprised I was able to raise as much as I did, but I am also happy about that.

Joni and Friends is an amazing organization, that does so much for people with disabilities, and their families.

Hopefully next year, we can have the event in person, as long as 2021 goes better than this year.

Grief Letters

I have recently started attending Grief Share sessions via Zoom, and in this week's session, writing grief letters was one thing that was talked about in the video we watched.

A co-worker turned me on to Grief Share, and at first, I wasn't sure I wanted to attend, partly because my loss was so long ago, and also because I am not a talkative person, especially with people I don't know.

I decided to give it a try, though, and I am glad I did. Each session has good information to use in my own journey with loss and grief, no matter how long it has been.

The thought of writing grief letters to people, explaining the situation, and what I would need or want from someone, intrigued me.

I never really thought about doing something like that, but now that I heard about grief letters, I have already started writing a few to people in my life, letting them know about what is going on, and what I need.

I don't know which ones I will actually send/give to people, but actually having my wishes and thoughts written down in these letters definitely helps with the healing process. It's not in my head anymore, stressing me out. And people will know how they can help in my healing process.

Since I have a hard time talking (in general, not just about grief), writing these letters is perfect for me. I can say what is on my mind, and let my loved ones know what I want and need. I won't have to feel awkward for speaking up, or feel like I am being judged.

It was said in the video, and in the session, that we don't necessarily have to send the letters or give the letters to the people with whom they are for, but it helps with the grieving and healing process to get it all out.

Thank you to my co-worker, for sharing Grief Share with me. It does help with my journey, and I will absolutely use what I have gained from these sessions in my everyday life.

Grieving Without a Timeline

Since September of last year, there were 2 deaths of co-workers of mine, one happening over this past summer, which brought up all the emotions and grief of losing my mom, that I have had since her death.

Since I am normally a quiet person, I tend to keep my emotions, my thoughts, and how I am feeling to myself a lot of the time, mainly because the person I really want to talk to, the one whom I always went to, is the one I am grieving.

Yesterday, I attended my first ever Grief Share session (through Zoom, of course, because of the pandemic), to help me get through these emotions, the grief, and the thoughts going around in my mind.

It was uncomfortable for me to talk in the group, and hearing the others talk about their losses made me tear up, but it was good to talk about how I am feeling these days, as I really wanted to say something to someone.

A co-worker turned to on to Grief Share, and I was hesitant to talk with people I don't know, but I decided to give it a try.

And, to be honest, I am kind of glad I did.

Because grief will always be there. It never goes away, no matter how long it has been. There is no set timeline of when grief will end. It won't.

I have learned that over the years, especially the past year or so, with everything that happened.

Everything that I go through reminds me that grief will always be with me, no matter what I do, where I go, or how long time has passed.

I will always grieve for my mom, until I get to see her again.

If I Had 3 Wishes

There are many things that I wish for in life, like a lot of other people.

But, if I had 3 wishes that would come true, these are what I would wish for:

1. To see my mom again
   My mom died almost 10 years ago, and I miss her very, very, very much. Our relationship wasn't perfect, but I loved her, and will always love her. Not having her here anymore has been very hard, and I sometimes have a hard time dealing with that. I am so grateful to have had her in my life for as long as I did, but I would to love see her one more time.
   
   She was the one I always went to, to talk. Without her, I have been having a much harder time talking to people, especially about the tough stuff.
   
   I know this one won't happen here on earth, it is my biggest wish.
   
   
2. To get married and have children
   I have always dreamed of getting married, and starting my own family. I just haven't been given any opportunities to find the one I love, the one I want to spend the rest of my life with. 
   
   Having a family of my own is one of my top dreams in life, and I would love to see it come true sooner rather than later.
   
   
3. To not be so afraid to live my life; not to be afraid of being independent
   I am a very shy person by nature, so doing some things by myself is intimidating. Especially talking to people (particularly people I don't know, am not friends with, or don't talk with very often), making phone calls, living on my own, and other things that require me to do it myself.
   
   I do want to work on this, and I hope to not be so afraid of independence soon. I miss out on a lot of worthwhile experiences and opportunities, because of this.
   
   I want to be as independent as I possibly can, and to live the life I want.
   
   I want to be free of the fear that is holding me back, free from the self-doubt, free to be me.

3 Goals To Complete By the End of 2020

I saw a pin on Pinterest for this, and I was immediately able to think of the three goals I would like to work on. 

Hopefully I can at least start on them this year, if I can't complete them.

So, here are the three goals I would like to complete by the end of 2020.

1. Get my bedroom cleaned up
   
   This one I have a hard time mustering up the motivation to get started. The main reason is because there is so much stuff to go through, that is littering the floor of my room, that I just don't want to do anything about it. 
   
   
   I am not a neat freak by any means, but I am really not liking having such a messy room, so hopefully I can work on it a little each day. I am planning on doing around 30 minutes of cleanup a day, and go from there.
   
   
2. Start an exercise routine that works for me
   
   And keep it up. I don't really take very good care of myself, and I want to work on that. I feel bad for not taking better care of my body, and I actually have been checking out exercise DVDs from the library, so I actually have started this one (sort of).
   
   
   I am hoping to start out with 3 to 4 days a week of exercise, 30 minutes each day, and go from there.
   
   
3. Start a mental health routine that works for me
   
   And, like #2, keep it up. I have been struggling with my mental health lately, not just with covid, but other things as well. I love to write, so journaling (and writing in general) will definitely be one thing I will do more of by the end of this year.
   
   
   I am also hoping to take up painting, coloring in coloring books, walks in the neighborhood, reading more, relaxing in a bath, photography (one of my passions/hobbies), baking (another passion/hobby), knitting and crochet, and a few other things.

A Fear I Would Like to Overcome

I have a few fears in life, that I would like to overcome, like most anyone else.

The one I would like to overcome the most, is my fear of being independent. Of relying on myself more than anyone else.

For most of my life (including my teenage and adult years), I have relied on other people for doing some of the more important things for me, like doctor appointments, driving me places, calling people (especially people I don't know/have never called before), and things like that.

I have been able to some things without the help of others, like get a job, as well as getting items that let me live more independently, but this is still a work in progress. A very long process.

I always doubt myself, thinking I can't do things without the help of others, even if I know I can, even if I have done it before. It doesn't matter if it's easy or hard, I always have doubts about doing it myself, so I always stall.

And I really want to work on that. It prevents me from doing things I most want to do.

I hate being to scared to do the things I really want to do, especially without the help or prompting from others, yet I am also scared of doing anything to change that.

Change is always hard, no matter the type of change. But, I am willing to take steps to become more and more independent, so I don't have to heavily rely on others all the time.

My Fall 2020 Bucket List

Here is what I would like to do this Fall:

• Make a pumpkin pie
• Decorate my bedroom for Halloween/fall
• Go thrift shopping
• Make a sweater for dad (knit or crochet)
• Buy a good sewing machine
• Buy a good laptop
• Buy a good DSLR camera
• Make a blanket
• Learn Spanish
• Learn Sign Language
• Make Thanksgiving dinner
• Watch a high school football game
• Watch Carrie (the original)
• Watch the Halloweentown movies
• Watch the original Ghostbusters movies
• Watch ParaNorman
• Watch Beetlejuice
• Watch the Halloween (Michael Myers) movies
• Watch Sweeney Todd (with Johnny Depp)
• Watch It's the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown
• Watch Edward Scissorhands
• Watch The Exorcist
• Watch Pet Semetary (the original)
• Watch Practical Magic
• Watch Poltergeist
• Watch Dracula
• Watch Toy Story of Terror
• Watch Frankenweenie
• Watch Hocus Pocus
• Watch the Addams Family movies
• Watch The Witches
• Watch Nightmare on Elm Street
• Watch It (the original)
• Watch The Nightmare Before Christmas
• Watch Young Frankenstein
• Watch Wallace & Gromit: The Curse of the Were-Rabbit
• Watch Friday the 13th
• Drink hot chocolate
• Go to a Fall fair
• Do a Fall photo shoot
• Bake Halloween cookies
• Make a Fall wreath
• Roast pumpkin seeds
• Burn Fall candles
• "Boo" my neighbors
• Go to a drive-in movie
• Go for walks
• Craft with fallen leaves
• Make fairy houses
• Paint my nails Halloween/Fall colors
• Make s'mores
• Make chili
• Make homemade jelly/jam
• Make popcorn balls
• Go on an outing/trip with friends

I know this is a lot, but I want to do as much as I can.

YouTube Channel Favorite: Breaking In The Habit

This is a recent find, and I immediately fell in love with the channel, and what the creator stands for/does.

Breaking In The Habit is the channel of Father Casey Cole, who is a Franciscan Friar.

I love his channel because he is not afraid of talking about tough subjects, he is knowledgeable (or willing to learn more), and is relatable.

He has grown as a pastor, as a YouTuber, and as a person, which is something I like to see.

Father Casey is willing to tackle the hard, the happy, the sad, the joy, and everything in between.

(I know religion isn't for everyone, and that is ok, but it is very important to some people, and they should not be made to feel attacked, or feel wrong for believing.)

My Current Favorites: August 2020

I haven't made one of these lists in a while, so I figured it was time to make a favorites list.

Here is what I am currently loving:

• Clinere Earwax Cleaners
  I know this is a weird one, but let me explain. For a couple of weeks, I was having issues with my right ear, not being able to hear properly because of earwax buildup. I tried earwax remover drops, but they didn't do much. I tried hydrogen peroxide diluted with water, and that didn't help. Then I saw these cleaners at Target, and decided to try them. I tried them as soon as I could, and they worked instantly!! My ear feels so much better, and I can hear properly again. I am hooked on them, and will definitely use them again if/when I need to.
• Lego Harry Potter video game
  Ever since quarantine started, I have been playing this game a lot (and I mean, A LOT!!). I have the game on PlayStation 4, and I love the game. I 
• Libby app
  I have had this book app on my phone probably since quarantine started, and I absolutely love it! I have read (and listened to books) a lot more these days, and it is so convenient to have an app like this, so I don't have to always have a book, or book on CD, with me, to be able to read. Plus, I always have my phone with me, so it just makes sense.
• Country Mermaids/Magic Main Street
  These two shops are run by the same person (Crystal Munsell), and she makes and sells earrings, headbands, scrunchies and masks (the headbands, scrunchies and masks are fairly new items in the shops). The shops have Instagram and Facebook pages (with the same names, of course), and a website. I have been purchasing from these stores for at least a year, and absolutely love the products!
• Grace & Stella Rose Quartz Derma Facial Roller
  I got one of these in my August Ipsy bag, and love it. You roll it over your face, and, as it explains on the website, it boosts circulation, reduces puffiness, and can help the appearance of fine lines. I have been wanting one of these for a while, and am happy that I finally have one!
• Briogeo Hair Care Be Gentle, Be Kind Avocado + Kiwi Mega Moisture Mask
  This is another item I got in my August Ipsy bag, and again, I love it. My hair isn't in the best shape, and this mask has helped make it feel better. I have only used it once so far, but my hair already feels softer and smoother, and I am sure it will feel even better, the longer I use it.

YouTube Channel Favorite: Paper Magic

Paper Magic is a recent find of mine, which I found through a Facebook post.

It's geared more towards young kids, but I think people of any age can enjoy it as well.

They make different crafts out of paper, like animals, insects and bugs, school crafts, and more.

Each craft is fun, uses items you may already have, and are very cute!! It is easy to follow along with the instructions, which are explained very well.

If you and your kids love arts and crafts, try making these together. The end results of each craft is well worth the time and effort spent on them.

3 Things I Would Do If I Weren't Afraid

I found the idea for this post somewhere online, and wanted to write a post about it.

So, here are 3 things I would do if I weren't afraid:

1. Speak up for myself more
   I am a very shy and introverted person, so I don't speak up very much, unless I am with friends and family, or around people I am comfortable speaking with.
   
   I am always thinking/worried about what others would think of me when I say something, so a lot of the things I want to say, stays unsaid, just because I'm afraid of others' opinions of me.
   
   I care way too much about what others think of me. And it holds me back from doing the things I want to do, and saying the things I want to say.
   
   And I really want to change that.
   
   
2. Have/make more friends
   Because of my shyness, I don't have many friends. I think people think I'm not worth being friends with, because of who I am, and it makes me even less inclined to go up to people and talk to them.
   
   The friends I do have are great, but lately I have been feeling lonely, like I don't have any real friends.
   
   I don't want to be popular, I just want to have more friends, true friends, that I can connect with, have fun with, and make amazing memories with.
   
3. Live my own life
   I have been able to do some things on my own, without relying on other people, but many things have been done by/with others. I tend to not want to do a lot of things unless someone I know is with me, and I want to change that (I do love doing things with people, but I also want to do more things on my own).
   
   I want to do more things for myself, without having to rely on others to get them done.
   
   I want to live a life worth living, a life that is my own. I want to live my life my way.

YouTube Channel Favorite: Ask a Mortician

Yes, this is a channel about death.

But, the woman who runs the channel (or at least is the main person talking) is so knowledgeable, and has a way of communicating, that makes death less "scary" or "bad", even if the situation(s) in which a person died were.

Caitlyn, the woman behind Ask a Mortician, has been in the mortuary field for years, and has learned a lot in the field, and she brings that knowledge through in her videos.

She does videos on famous corpses from around the world, how we handle the dead in natural disasters, she collaborates with other morticians, and does other mortuary/death-related videos.

Caitlyn has a website called The Order of the Good Death, which has information on her and her team, different types of funerals and services, books she has written, and more.

She is an amazing person, and I very much enjoy watching her videos.

Updated Summer 2020 Bucket List

I posted my summer bucket list not too long ago, and I have found more things I would like to do since then, so here is my updated summer 2020 bucket list.

• Tie dye
• Send snail mail to friends
• Make lemonade
• Make a vision board/book
• Video chat with friends
• Binge watch Outlander
• Binge watch Call the Midwife
• Have a spa day
• Virtual game night with friends
• Clean up bedroom
• Go on bike rides
• Set up an inflatable pool in the backyard and relax in it
• Have a picnic
• Put my photos into albums
• Learn to French braid
• Make sweater for dad
• Completely finish a video game
• Make a collage
• Put fairy lights up in my room
• Save up for and buy a laptop
• Have a workout routine
• Go on a road trip with friends
• Donate my unwanted clothes
• Have a photoshoot with friends
• Pick up rollerblading again
• Go indoor skydiving
• Work on writing a book
• Go to a paint night
• Participate in an Escape Room
• Have a silly string fight
• Go thrifting
• Go mini golfing
• Make lemon bars
• Bake something once a week
• Write poetry
• Get clear, healthy skin
• Take better care of my hair
• Be more confident in myself
• Visit a city I've never been to
• Complete at least one jigsaw puzzle
• Drink more water
• Spend half as much money
• Dye my hair purple
• Camp out in the backyard
• Build a fort
• Try baking macarons
• Paint
• Make s'mores
• Get second piercing in each ear
• Redecorate bedroom
• Make friendship bracelets
• Visit local farmer's market
• Relearn how to play the violin
• Have a water balloon/water gun fight
• Buy an Instax Polaroid camera
• Use sidewalk chalk
• Learn sign language
• Learn Spanish
• Go to dinner with friends
• Be in a relationship with a significant other
• Paint stones
• Buy a sewing machine
• Learn to do a fishtail braid
• Learn to do a milkmaid braid
• Learn to do a Dutch braid
• Knit/crochet at least one item a month
• Make homemade bread
• Make homemade slime
• Learn how to do macramé
• Shop for Operation Christmas Child presents
• Make a 4th of July wreath
• Learn how to barbecue
• Go for walks each day
• Visit the zoo
• Make smoothies
• Go out for ice cream
• Write a song
• Go to the beach
• Spend a day (or a few) in the city
• Paint my nails
• Bake scones
• Bake muffins
• Make popsicles
• Learn how to apply my own makeup
• Have a girls' night out/in

Grieving for Family Retreat

Because of the Coronavirus, many things have been cancelled this year, which, for me, includes Joni and Friends Family Retreat.

I got to go to retreat for the first time last summer, and immediately fell in love with it.

The people, the activities, the location, everything.

And that was taken away this year.

Retreat is probably one of the only places the people that come to them, where they feel accepted, where they aren't alone, where they can just relax and not worry about the stresses of regular, everyday life.

I am grieving for this loss, not just for myself, but for all the others who go to retreat every year (or as often as they can), and were looking forward to it this year.

We were able to have weekly virtual get togethers via Zoom, from May through the June 7th, and I loved them. They were every Sunday, and we had worship, prayer, games, jokes and chats.

Today would have been the first day of the Maranatha/Michigan week 2 retreat, which is the one I went to last year, and the one I was planning on going to this year.

So, even though this year didn't go as planned, I am so thankful for technology that allows us to still connect with one another, to support one another, and to have fun, even when we can be together physically.

I am also thankful for meeting all the wonderful people that make/made retreat possible, and for making it so enjoyable and memorable.

Here's to hoping that next year is much better, and that we can have retreat next year.

Behind This Smile is a Hurting Heart

            Behind my smile is a hurting heart. Behind my laugh I'm falling apart.

I saw this quote on Pinterest, and thought it accurately sums up how I have been feeling these last 9 1/2 years without my mom, as well as with what's been going on these last few months.

I do have good days, but they aren't as enjoyable as they would be if my mom was still here.

She was the one I always went to if I needed (or wanted) to talk, to vent, to say whatever was on my mind.

We didn't have the best relationship (we fought a lot about stupid stuff), but I always loved her, and I will always love her.

My heart was broken into a million pieces when she died, and it hasn't fully healed from that. I don't think it ever will.

She wasn't here for me taking the ,rest of the classes for my college degree, she wasn't here for my college graduation, for my trip to my very first Joni and Friends retreat, nor for my outing with friends to a pro baseball game.

She isn't here for me not being able to work for a few months because of the Coronavirus, and not being able to do much out of the house.

I wish she was still here, so I could talk to her face to face about everything that has gone on these days.

My heart hurts because I don't have the one person I really want to talk to. I know I will see her again, but that seems like a very long time from now. I wish I could see her and talk to her now.

I do have other family members, and friends, with I can talk to/with, but the one person I really want to talk to is the one who is no longer here, and that hurts. A lot.

My heart breaks over and over, for each day that I am without my mom, especially on my good days, and on days that I have a special event going on.

SO, I love you with all my heart, mom, and I can't wait to see you again!

Things I Would Like to Accomplish In the Next 5-10 Years

There are a LOT of things I would like to do in my life, and I hope to be able to accomplish as many of them as I can.

Here is what I would like to accomplish in the next 5-10 years:

• Be financially independent
• Live on my own
• Get my driver's license
• Get married
• Have children of my own (whether biological or through adoption)
• Be more confident in myself
• Get a tattoo in memory of my mom
• Get at least one more piercing in each ear
• Get my nose pierced
• Shave my head (yes, I want to shave my head! It was a passing thought for a while, until recently, when it became a more serious desire)
• Visit New York
• Visit another country (I have never been out of the U.S.)
• Have my own YouTube channel, and post regularly
• Get a photography degree
• Find an exercise routine that works for me, and exercise on a regular basis
• Learn to sew
• Go on a Wheels for the World mission trip
• Go to at least one Joni and Friends retreat a year
• Become fluent (or more fluent than I am now) in Spanish
• Become fluent in Sign Language
• Become fluent in Italian
• Visit the Wizarding World of Harry Potter
• Visit Disney World
• Visit Disney Land
• Work on writing a book (and hopefully publish it)
• Get better at cake decorating
• Learn how to make macarons
• Go on a road trip with friends
• Adopt at least one dog
• Write at least one song
• Learn to say yes more to taking more opportunities
• Learn how to apply my own makeup
• Learn how to do fishtail braids
• Learn how to French braid
• Learn how to do Dutch braids
• Be more comfortable in speaking up (especially for myself)
• Have a regular girls' night with friends
• Learn to take better care of my skin and hair
• Learn how to use power tools
• Learn how to cut hair
• Go to a professional hockey game (I have been to professional baseball games, but not hockey, and I would love to go to one)
• Relearn how to play the violin, and play on a regular basis
• Learn how to play the piano
• Keep a prayer journal
• Learn to love myself

YouTube Channel Favorite: Ambient Worlds

Ambient Worlds is a new find for me, and I instantly fell in love with it! It was a recommended channel for me, and I figured I would check it out. I am so glad I did!

The channel is just music from popular movies, places, games, TV shows, and more.

For me, the music is very calming/relaxing, and I really enjoy it. Since I am familiar with a lot of the music, it makes it even more enjoyable.

I like how along with the music, there are scenes/pictures included from whatever the music is from, which is a very nice touch.

My Summer 2020 Bucket List

Here are the things I would like to do this summer (if we can have a summer this year):

• Be an STM at a Joni and Friends Retreat (due to the Coronavirus, the retreat I was going to go to has been cancelled, so this is a bust--unless the retreat is rescheduled, or I go to a different one later on in the year)
• Get my driver's license
• Practice learning Spanish
• Practice learning Sign Language
• Learn to French braid
• Learn to do a fishtail braid
• Learn to do a milkmaid braid
• Learn to do a Dutch braid
• Make s'mores
• Make lemonade
• Purchase a good quality laptop
• Purchase a good quality DSLR
• Purchase a good quality sewing machine
• Learn how to sew
• Sew pillowcases
• Knit/crochet at least one thing a month
• Draw with sidewalk chalk
• Relearn how to play the violin
• Make homemade bread
• Learn macrame
• Make homemade slime
• Shop for Operation Christmas Child presents
• Make a July 4th wreath
• Learn how to barbecue
• Have at least one self-care day a month
• Paint a little every day
• Go for walks every day
• Go to the local farmer's market
• Go thrift shopping
• Go bowling
• Camp out in the back yard
• Visit the zoo
• Make smoothies
• Redecorate my bedroom
• Ride my bike one to two times a week
• Go on a trip with friends
• Have regular chats with friends
• Spend the day (or a few days) in the city
• Get a second piercing in each ear
• Go out for ice cream
• Play mini golf
• Write a song
• Go to the beach
• Watch fireworks
• Spend less (at least half as much) money
• Host a game night
• Get a tattoo in memory of my mom
• Bake scones
• Bake muffins
• Paint rocks and leave them out around town
• Paint my nails
• Start writing a novel
• Make popsicles
• Have an outdoor movie night
• Draw with sidewalk chalk
• Have at least one girls' night out/in
• Eat out at at least 3 restaurants I have never been to before
• Make a vision board/book
• Learn how to apply my own makeup
• Go to a carnival/fair
• Become more confident in myself
• Get my driver's license

I don't expect to be able to everything on this list, but I want to do as many as possible. Hopefully things will be getting back to normal (or as normal as it can be) by the summer, so I can do more.

100 Hobbies I Want to Try

I saw an idea, I think on Pinterest, where you write down 100 hobbies you would like to try.

Growing up, I had a few hobbies that I loved (collecting Beanie Babies, collecting state quarters, collecting stickers, writing stories, volunteering at my local library), and since we are now in a stay-at-home order because of COVID-19, I figured now is a good time to start up some new hobbies.

I decided to do that, and here are the 100 hobbies I would like to try:

1. Woodworking
2. Painting
3. Drawing
4. Jewelry making
5. Candle making
6. Macrame
7. Photography
8. Makeup
9. Needlepoint/embroidery
10. Violin playing
11. Quilting
12. Scrapbooking
13. Sewing
14. Soapmaking
15. Video editing
16. Gardening
17. Horseback riding
18. Running
19. Cooking (I am a baker, but I would like to be able to cook as well)
20. Calligraphy
21. Tapestry weaving
22. Pottery
23. LEGO set building
24. Chess (I do kind of know how to play, but I want to get better at it)
25. Juggling
26. Learning Spanish
27. Learning Italian
28. Learning Sign Language
29. Learning French
30. Hair braiding
31. Story writing
32. Playing piano
33. Playing ukulele
34. Furniture restoration
35. Bead art
36. Songwriting
37. YouTubing
38. Yoga
39. Meditation
40. Programming
41. Card/magic tricks
42. Martial arts
43. Handwriting
44. Upcycling
45. Watercolor painting
46. Jam making
47. Flower pressing
48. Bicycling
49. Guitar playing
50. Making greeting cards
51. Cake and cookie decorating
52. Decoupage
53. Prayer journaling
54. Making fairy gardens
55. Animation
56. Worldbuilding
57. Fostering animals
58. Genealogy
59. Paint kindness rocks
60. Paint pouring
61. Archery
62. Grilling
63. Hiking/walking
64. Podcasting
65. Book writing
66. Oil painting
67. Making mosaics
68. Self defense
69. Paper mache
70. Book binding
71. Basket weaving
72. Graphic design
73. Solo traveling
74. Digital drawing
75. Bullet journaling (I do this, but I want to try new spreads)
76. Art journal
77. Knit one item a month
78. Crochet one item a month
79. Collage
80. Learn a new word every day/linguistics
81. Make shadowboxes
82. Sketching
83. Homemade skin care
84. Collecting crystals
85. Paper making
86. Sand art
87. Woodburning
88. Astronomy
89. Kayaking
90. Canoeing
91. Zumba
92. Flower arranging
93. Raising animals
94. Homesteading
95. Skateboarding
96. Video gaming (I play, but not much)
97. Experiment in baking
98. Equestrianism
99. Container gardening
100. Wreath making

It took me a few days to come up with this list, but I am happy with what is on it. Hopefully I will be able to do a few of these soon.

YouTube Channel Favorite: Family Freedom

Family Freedom is one channel/family that I have been following for quite some time (probably over a year now).

They are the parents Bob and Katie, and children Sam (the oldest), Jamie (middle child) and Jojo (the youngest).

They are a UK family, who do their best at living a minimal waste lifestyle, as well as traveling, and making the best memories they can.

They really care about others, the environment, animals, and themselves, and they do what they can to bring happiness and light to those around them.

When they travel, I love seeing the places they visit, and the memories they make along the way. They always have a good time, and inspires me to want to visit as many places as possible in my life.

My Current Thoughts

The world has been thrown into chaos these last few months, with the coronavirus spreading everywhere.

A lot of businesses have closed until further notice, schools are closed and are doing e-learning, restaurants are only doing drive-thru, pick-up and delivery of meals, and we are being asked to stay inside as much as possible.

I work at my local library, and we have been closed since March 13th. I haven't been working since March 10 (I had my normal 3 of four days off, before the closure became official), and I am really missing it. A month of things not being normal.

I have only gone out 3 times, to buy some groceries, and the rest of the time has been spent inside.

None of us at home have shown any symptoms of this virus, and for that I am thankful. Hopefully we never will. For those who are sick, or who have lost loved ones to this pandemic, I am praying for you.

For the last couple of weeks, I have been having a hard time dealing with not being able to work, nor being able to shop, or go out to eat, or get together with others.

I have been watching lots of movies, writing, listening to music, and reading a lot, to try and keep my spirits up, but there is only so much I can do that will help with that.

I got a couple pieces of news over the last week or so, which I am not happy about.

One: the Joni and Friends retreat that I was planning on going to in June has been cancelled. I understand why it was cancelled, and accept it, but I am still sad that it was. I was looking forward to seeing the friends I made there, and to have fun.

The other piece of news is that a dear neighbor friend of mine had died some time ago (not from coronavirus, but from cancer).

I didn't hear about her passing, so a Ppart of me is kind of angry about that, as I truly cared about her, but I am, of course, mainly sad that she is gone. I had known her for over 20 years, and will miss her dearly.

This is a crazy time we are living in, but we will get through this, and I can't wait for things to calm down, and go back to normal. Or as normal as it can get after something like this.

YouTube Channel Favorite: Knorpp and South

Knorpp and South is probably up there on my list of absolute favorites.

This is another family that has adopted children, as well as biological children.

The couple who run this channel has four biological sons, and five adopted children (3 girls and two boys).

They document their everyday lives, their travels (they are big on traveling), and making memories.

They have done a series of videos, where they sit down one on one with each child, and interview them, as well as sharing the stories of the children that they adopted.

As well as the other families/people I have mentioned before in my YouTube Favorites, this family truly cares about each other, and the others around them. They want to leave the world a little better than before, and try to make the best of things.

100 Things I Want to Do in My Lifetime

There are a lot of things I would love to be able to do in my lifetime, and I want to be able to do as many of those things as possible.

In no particular order, here are 100 things I want to do:

1. Get my driver's license
2. Get into a loving, caring relationship with a significant other
3. Live on my own
4. Get married
5. Have children
6. Travel around the world (there are TONS of places I have never been to, that I would love to visit)
7. Be more confident in myself
8. Play the violin again, on a regular basis
9. Buy a good quality DSLR
10. Buy a good quality laptop
11. Get my baking and pastry degree
12. Become fluent in Spanish
13. Become fluent in Italian
14. Become fluent in French
15. Become fluent in Sign Language
16. Learn how to sew
17. Go to a Garth Brooks concert
18. Go on a Joni and Friends Wheels for the World trip
19. Go to an Andrea Bocelli concert
20. Exercise on a regular basis
21. Learn how to play the piano
22. Make my own vision board/book
23. Get my photography degree
24. Become a professional photographer
25. Become a professional baker
26. Open up my own bakery
27. Write and publish at least one book
28. Visit all 50 U.S. states
29. Go on a road trip with friends
30. Have my own YouTube channel and post videos on a regular basis
31. Learn how to French braid
32. Learn how to do Dutch braids
33. Learn how to do a fishtail braid
34. Learn how to do a milkmaid braid
35. Go on a picnic
36. Go ziplining
37. Have my own garden with fruits, veggies, and flowers
38. Foster children
39. Foster animals
40. Learn how to knit/crochet sweaters
41. Learn how to knit/crochet blankets
42. Try snowboarding at least once
43. Get a tattoo in memory of my mom
44. Get a Harry Potter-related tattoo
45. Learn how to make macarons
46. Learn how to make ombre cakes
47. Read The Hobbit books
48. Read The Lord of the Rings books
49. Host a Friendsgiving
50. Go to a White Sox vs. Cubs game
51. Learn how to bbq
52. Reach financial independence
53. Write my own songs
54. Learn to read braille
55. Relax in a sensory deprivation tank
56. Host a 4th of July party
57. Learn to juggle
58. Participate in an Escape Room
59. Take a solo vacation
60. Take self defense classes
61. See the Hamilton Play
62. Go paintballing
63. See the Northern lights
64. Get my nose pierced
65. Get another piercing in each ear
66. Get a passport
67. Have a photoshoot done
68. Grow more in my faith
69. Go to a pro hockey game
70. Spend Christmas in another country
71. Spend New Year's in another country
72. Dye my hair purple
73. Visit the Wizarding World of Harry Potter
74. Adopt at least one dog
75. Write and give letters to people who mean a lot to me
76. Write in a prayer journal on a regular basis
77. Pack and send off as many shoebox presents as I can for Operation Christmas Child
78. Make someone's day with a random act of kindness
79. Visit Disney World
80. Visit Disney Land
81. Go to a drive-in movie
82. Learn how to tie a tie
83. Learn to use chopsticks
84. See the Harlem Globetrotters play
85. Write a letter to myself to be opened on my 40th birthday
86. Go to a Blue Man Group concert
87. Go indoor skydiving
88. Go to a paint night
89. Learn how to apply my own makeup
90. Spend a day at Great America
91. Go horseback riding as often as I can
92. Go mini golfing again
93. Go whitewater rafting
94. Walk across the Golden Gate Bridge
95. Walk across the Brooklyn Bridge
96. Meet Robbie Coltrane
97. Meet Johnny Depp
98. Meet Jonathan Antoine/go to one of his concerts
99. Meet the Obamas
100. Meet J.K. Rowling

My Spring 2020 Bucket List

I love making bucket lists, so it seams only fitting to make seasonal bucket lists.

In no particular order, here is what I would like to do this spring:

• Get bedroom cleaned up
• Redecorate bedroom (paint walls a different color, get a new bed, etc.)
• Spend more time with friends
• Spend at least half as much money
• Find and keep up an exercise routine that works for me
• Have a self-care day at least twice a month
• Practice baking and decorating skills
• Learn Sign Language
• Learn Spanish
• Donate unwanted clothes
• Donate unwanted books, movies, CDs, etc.
• Binge watch season 3 of Call the Midwife (one of my favorite shows!!)
• Host a game night
• Get my driver's license
• Go on walks
• Dye Easter eggs
• Bake cookies
• Start riding my bike again
• Go thrift shopping
• Explore my neighborhood
• Spend a day in the city
• Take lots of photos
• Binge watch season 1 of Bonanza (another favorite show of mine)
• Learn how to use chopsticks
• Knit or crochet at least one thing a month
• Read a book at a park
• Make a vision board/notebook
• Talk to my friends on a more regular basis
• Start a veggie/flower garden

I may add more things in the future, if I think of more. But, at this point, this is what I would like to do this spring.

What do you want to do this spring?

YouTube Channel Favorite: Crazy Middles

Yet another new one for me.

Crazy Middles is a large family, who also have adopted children (as well as a biological child, I believe). The parents have two biological kids, and 18 adopted children.

They document how they handle everyday life with so many children, which they do with lots of love, care, and fun.

A few of the older kids live on their own, but the others are still at home, and I love watching what they do in a typical (for them) day.

This is another family that truly cares about each other, and those around them.

They definitely love each other, and love to have fun, make special memories, and just be there for each other.

I have a heart for children, and for adoption, so I seem to be drawn to channels where the couples have adopted children, which is absolutely fine with me!

Lonely and Misunderstood

For as long as I can remember

I have felt like

I don't belong anywhere

Even within my own family

 

I am different

And I don't like it

 

My eyes don't work

Like they are meant to

I have a little extra weight on me

I wish my feet looked like

They are supposed to

 

Among other things I don't like

There is hardly anything

I like about my body

And I wish I could change it

 

There are things my body does

That I am very embarrassed about

 

People keep judging me

Without really getting to know me

And it gets to me more than they think

 

Me being so shy

Makes it hard

To talk to people

To tell them

How I feel

 

And I wish they were

More understanding

More compassionate

And not so judgmental

 

This is why

I would rather

Stay home, in my room

Than with people

Who don't really like me

 

I feel so inadequate

Being around others

Who are so much more

Confident in who they are

In how they look

 

I feel like

The people who

Are my friends

Are only my friends

Just to be nice

 

I just feel alone

And misunderstood

Most of the time

 

And it is so hard for me

To break that

 

I wish I was different

I wish I was normal

YouTube Channel Favorite: SixBlindKids

This is another relatively new find for me as well. SixBlindKids is a family of 9 (mom and dad, a biological son, and six adopted children, all six of whom are blind, with other conditions as well).

They document their daily lives, how they live, how they help their kids learn to be as independent as possible, and their experiences with everything that comes with having children with disabilities.

They are one of the nicest families I have ever "met" as they truly care about each other, and others outside of their family.

One of the girls has a job, and does well, and the others are in school or living on their own.

The parents are big advocates for disability rights, and for their children, and I love how they just go about their day, and how they live their lives, as well as their part in the disability community.

I am so thankful to have come across this channel and family, and can't wait to see what the future holds for them.

Looking Forward to Joni and Friends Retreat 2020

Registration for this year's Joni and Friends Retreats is now open, and I have already registered to go to week 2 of the Michigan retreat.

I can't wait to go, and am really looking forward to it! This will be my second year going/volunteering at Maranatha, and might volunteer at Urban Retreat, if it is in the cards for me this year.

Last year, I got to work in the sweet shop, and absolutely loved it. This year, I am hoping for the same position, but will be happy being paired with a camper as well, if that is what they see fit for me.

If you are at all interested in going, either as a volunteer or as a camper/family, you can visit the Joni and Friends Retreats and Getaways page, to find out more information (just click on Family Retreat on the Retreats and Getaways page under Ministries).

If you are unsure about whether or not Retreat is for you, go! It is one of the BEST things you could ever be a part of!!

I am so looking forward to Retreat, and wish it was June already!

YouTube Channel Favorite: Clayton Jennings

Clayton Jennings is a new find of mine, and I love his videos.

He recites poetry that he has written himself, and he is amazing!!

He speaks of his faith (all of his videos centers around his faith), his emotions, family and friends, tough stuff, and his life.

They way he speaks is very captivating, emotion-filled, and beautiful.

His passion for poetry and faith comes through in everything he speaks and does, and he is definitely not shy in saying what he feels and thinks.

I am so thankful to have come across Clayton and his channel, and will definitely follow him for a long time.

Concerts and Plays I Would Love to Go To

I have always wanted to go concerts of my favorite artists, and to plays. I have only been to one play so far, Seven Brides for Seven Brothers (it was really good!!!), and no concerts.

I really want to change that.

Singers/Bands

• Andrea Bocelli
• Imagine Dragons
• Pentatonix
• Garth Brooks
• Michael Buble
• Josh Groban
• Jonathan Antoine

Plays

• Wicked
• Aladdin
• The Book of Mormon
• Christmas Spectacular Starring The Radio City Rockettes
• A Christmas Carol
• The Lion King
• Hamilton
• The Phantom of the Opera

Other

• Blue Man Group
• Stomp