Darkness of the Day

My mind races
My eyes are
Swimming with tears.
I can't fall asleep
And I can't calm down.
I listen to Christian music
As I write this
To calm me down.
I am away from home.
I miss my family,
My cats
My room.
This is only for a few days
But it seems like forever
To me.
Although I love it here,
And that I have
A roommate to talk to,
I want to be home
Right now.
I will st ick it out
And pray to God
That He guides me,
And comforts me.
I really want to be here,
Among friends.
These are people like me
And they understand
What I am going through.
When I go through this,
It freels like
Nothing matters anymore,
That there is no point
In doing anything anymore.
In the end,
I feel better
When I let the tears flow,
And when I let
My feelings out.
And I feel
Like living again.
But the next night,
It starts all over again.
And I get frustrated
That it won't stop.


This was written in July 2010, while I was at a disability summit leadership. I was having a panic attack one of the days I was there, which is why this poem is written this way.