Friday, April 19, 2013


Everyone has them. Me, I am afraid of spiders, heights, and the biggest fear of all, death.

I remember when I was in Montana for my oldest brothers' wedding, my family and I had driven up one of the mountains there, and when we got out of the car and took in the view, I was really, really scared being up that high.

I really did not like it, but I loved the view. Plus, there was a chipmunk up where we were, which was worth being so high up.

With spiders, I think it's all the legs, the eyes, the way they walk and look that creeps me out.

With death, the first time I remember experiencing it was when I was thirteen, after my maternal grandpa died. I didn't know what to expect, and I didn't really know how to react/act when we had to go to his funeral.

I remember before the funeral had started, my family and I were in a room off of where the funeral would start, and my mom had asked me if I was going to be ok. At the time, I didn't think anything of the question, but now I thought that was a weird question to ask someone at a funeral. But, I thought I was going to be ok, and I told her so.

However, when we went into the main room and saw my grandpa in the casket, it freaked me out, and I started crying. One of my aunts, who is/was one of my grandpa's daughters, hugged me when she saw me crying.

Ever since then, I have been extremely afraid of death, although I am starting to come to terms with it, and accepting that I will die myself one day. But, it is a very, very slow process for me. I am still very afraid of death, mainly because I don't know what will happen after I die.

If there is any way that I can be as comfortable as possible with death, I would gladly accept that, and would make me feel better about it all. I really don't want to be scared anymore, as I know I will have to go at some point.

Well, that is all for now. More to come later.

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