Updated Summer 2020 Bucket List

I posted my summer bucket list not too long ago, and I have found more things I would like to do since then, so here is my updated summer 2020 bucket list.

• Tie dye
• Send snail mail to friends
• Make lemonade
• Make a vision board/book
• Video chat with friends
• Binge watch Outlander
• Binge watch Call the Midwife
• Have a spa day
• Virtual game night with friends
• Clean up bedroom
• Go on bike rides
• Set up an inflatable pool in the backyard and relax in it
• Have a picnic
• Put my photos into albums
• Learn to French braid
• Make sweater for dad
• Completely finish a video game
• Make a collage
• Put fairy lights up in my room
• Save up for and buy a laptop
• Have a workout routine
• Go on a road trip with friends
• Donate my unwanted clothes
• Have a photoshoot with friends
• Pick up rollerblading again
• Go indoor skydiving
• Work on writing a book
• Go to a paint night
• Participate in an Escape Room
• Have a silly string fight
• Go thrifting
• Go mini golfing
• Make lemon bars
• Bake something once a week
• Write poetry
• Get clear, healthy skin
• Take better care of my hair
• Be more confident in myself
• Visit a city I've never been to
• Complete at least one jigsaw puzzle
• Drink more water
• Spend half as much money
• Dye my hair purple
• Camp out in the backyard
• Build a fort
• Try baking macarons
• Paint
• Make s'mores
• Get second piercing in each ear
• Redecorate bedroom
• Make friendship bracelets
• Visit local farmer's market
• Relearn how to play the violin
• Have a water balloon/water gun fight
• Buy an Instax Polaroid camera
• Use sidewalk chalk
• Learn sign language
• Learn Spanish
• Go to dinner with friends
• Be in a relationship with a significant other
• Paint stones
• Buy a sewing machine
• Learn to do a fishtail braid
• Learn to do a milkmaid braid
• Learn to do a Dutch braid
• Knit/crochet at least one item a month
• Make homemade bread
• Make homemade slime
• Learn how to do macramé
• Shop for Operation Christmas Child presents
• Make a 4th of July wreath
• Learn how to barbecue
• Go for walks each day
• Visit the zoo
• Make smoothies
• Go out for ice cream
• Write a song
• Go to the beach
• Spend a day (or a few) in the city
• Paint my nails
• Bake scones
• Bake muffins
• Make popsicles
• Learn how to apply my own makeup
• Have a girls' night out/in

Grieving for Family Retreat

Because of the Coronavirus, many things have been cancelled this year, which, for me, includes Joni and Friends Family Retreat.

I got to go to retreat for the first time last summer, and immediately fell in love with it.

The people, the activities, the location, everything.

And that was taken away this year.

Retreat is probably one of the only places the people that come to them, where they feel accepted, where they aren't alone, where they can just relax and not worry about the stresses of regular, everyday life.

I am grieving for this loss, not just for myself, but for all the others who go to retreat every year (or as often as they can), and were looking forward to it this year.

We were able to have weekly virtual get togethers via Zoom, from May through the June 7th, and I loved them. They were every Sunday, and we had worship, prayer, games, jokes and chats.

Today would have been the first day of the Maranatha/Michigan week 2 retreat, which is the one I went to last year, and the one I was planning on going to this year.

So, even though this year didn't go as planned, I am so thankful for technology that allows us to still connect with one another, to support one another, and to have fun, even when we can be together physically.

I am also thankful for meeting all the wonderful people that make/made retreat possible, and for making it so enjoyable and memorable.

Here's to hoping that next year is much better, and that we can have retreat next year.

Behind This Smile is a Hurting Heart

            Behind my smile is a hurting heart. Behind my laugh I'm falling apart.

I saw this quote on Pinterest, and thought it accurately sums up how I have been feeling these last 9 1/2 years without my mom, as well as with what's been going on these last few months.

I do have good days, but they aren't as enjoyable as they would be if my mom was still here.

She was the one I always went to if I needed (or wanted) to talk, to vent, to say whatever was on my mind.

We didn't have the best relationship (we fought a lot about stupid stuff), but I always loved her, and I will always love her.

My heart was broken into a million pieces when she died, and it hasn't fully healed from that. I don't think it ever will.

She wasn't here for me taking the ,rest of the classes for my college degree, she wasn't here for my college graduation, for my trip to my very first Joni and Friends retreat, nor for my outing with friends to a pro baseball game.

She isn't here for me not being able to work for a few months because of the Coronavirus, and not being able to do much out of the house.

I wish she was still here, so I could talk to her face to face about everything that has gone on these days.

My heart hurts because I don't have the one person I really want to talk to. I know I will see her again, but that seems like a very long time from now. I wish I could see her and talk to her now.

I do have other family members, and friends, with I can talk to/with, but the one person I really want to talk to is the one who is no longer here, and that hurts. A lot.

My heart breaks over and over, for each day that I am without my mom, especially on my good days, and on days that I have a special event going on.

SO, I love you with all my heart, mom, and I can't wait to see you again!

Things I Would Like to Accomplish In the Next 5-10 Years

There are a LOT of things I would like to do in my life, and I hope to be able to accomplish as many of them as I can.

Here is what I would like to accomplish in the next 5-10 years:

• Be financially independent
• Live on my own
• Get my driver's license
• Get married
• Have children of my own (whether biological or through adoption)
• Be more confident in myself
• Get a tattoo in memory of my mom
• Get at least one more piercing in each ear
• Get my nose pierced
• Shave my head (yes, I want to shave my head! It was a passing thought for a while, until recently, when it became a more serious desire)
• Visit New York
• Visit another country (I have never been out of the U.S.)
• Have my own YouTube channel, and post regularly
• Get a photography degree
• Find an exercise routine that works for me, and exercise on a regular basis
• Learn to sew
• Go on a Wheels for the World mission trip
• Go to at least one Joni and Friends retreat a year
• Become fluent (or more fluent than I am now) in Spanish
• Become fluent in Sign Language
• Become fluent in Italian
• Visit the Wizarding World of Harry Potter
• Visit Disney World
• Visit Disney Land
• Work on writing a book (and hopefully publish it)
• Get better at cake decorating
• Learn how to make macarons
• Go on a road trip with friends
• Adopt at least one dog
• Write at least one song
• Learn to say yes more to taking more opportunities
• Learn how to apply my own makeup
• Learn how to do fishtail braids
• Learn how to French braid
• Learn how to do Dutch braids
• Be more comfortable in speaking up (especially for myself)
• Have a regular girls' night with friends
• Learn to take better care of my skin and hair
• Learn how to use power tools
• Learn how to cut hair
• Go to a professional hockey game (I have been to professional baseball games, but not hockey, and I would love to go to one)
• Relearn how to play the violin, and play on a regular basis
• Learn how to play the piano
• Keep a prayer journal
• Learn to love myself

YouTube Channel Favorite: Ambient Worlds

Ambient Worlds is a new find for me, and I instantly fell in love with it! It was a recommended channel for me, and I figured I would check it out. I am so glad I did!

The channel is just music from popular movies, places, games, TV shows, and more.

For me, the music is very calming/relaxing, and I really enjoy it. Since I am familiar with a lot of the music, it makes it even more enjoyable.

I like how along with the music, there are scenes/pictures included from whatever the music is from, which is a very nice touch.