My Winter 2020/2021 Bucket List

I love making bucket lists, especially seasonal/holiday lists. It is always fun to think of things I would like to do, and to check them off once they are done.

Here is my winter 2020/2021 bucket list, in no particular order:

• Knit or crochet a blanket
• Decorate my room for Christmas/winter
• Bake Christmas cookies
• Make a snowman
• Have a weekly spa day
• Journal
• Make friendship bracelets
• Learn sign language
• Learn Spanish
• Learn to sew
• Learn how to French braid
• Drink hot chocolate
• Go ice skating
• Play board/card/video games
• Make paper snowflakes
• Build and decorate a gingerbread house
• Learn how to apply makeup
• Take up painting
• Make a vision board/notebook
• Host a game night
• Purchase and wear Christmas/winter pajamas
• Put together a puzzle (or two!)
• Dye my hair green for St. Patrick's Day
• Dye my hair red, pink, or purple for Valentine's Day
• Bake a loaf of bread
• Watch Christmas movies
• Send Christmas cards
• Go for a winter walk
• Make ornaments
• Make a pillow/blanket fort
• DIY snowglobes
• Put photos into albums/scrapbooks
• Put up fairy lights in my room
• Figure out a hair care routine that works for me, and keep up with it
• Figure out a skin care routine that works for me, and keep up with it

What are some things you would like to do this winter? 

What I Am Thankful For in 2020

2020 has been one heck of a year. Even with everything that happened this year, this is so much that I am thankful for, things that I will always be thankful for, not just this time of year.

• Being able to keep my job (I know many people had lost their jobs because of Covid, which is/was NOT their fault, but I was-and am-fortunate enough to still have my job during all of this)
• My workplace figuring out ways in which to keep everyone (both employees and patrons) safe during this time
• My home
• Being able to vote in the presidential election
• Clean, running water whenever I need/want it
• My favorite blogs
• My favorite YouTubers/YouTube channels
• My friends, both old and new
• My family
• My cats
• Joni and Friends
• Zoom get-togethers with my Joni and Friends "family" 
• Co-workers emailing/texting/calling me every once in a while, to see how I am doing
• Naps (I love to sleep!)
• My cats
• Snuggles with my cats
• Photography
• Baking
• Writing
• Long conversations with friends (whether it be through phone calls, in-person, or text messages)
• Essential workers who were, and are, willing to work through this pandemic, to help others
• Masks, gloves, and other ppe's that can help protect people from sickness
• Text messaging with friends, family
• Grief Share, which a co-worker turned me on to
• My favorite TV shows
• My favorite movies
• My favorite music
• My favorite books
• Grocery home delivery services
• Being able to have the Joni and Friends Walk 'N' Roll event through Zoom
• Audiobooks
• Fall colors (leaves changing to all different colors, pumpkins, etc.)
• Pumpkin pie (I love pumpkin pie!!!)
• Brussels sprouts (yes, Brussels sprouts...one of my favorite veggies!!!)
• Showers and baths
• Chocolate
• Video games (I have been playing video games A LOT this year)
• Board games
• Card games
• Sweaters in cold weather
• Central air
• Headphones
• Pinterest
• Musical instruments (especially violins, as I used to play)
• Knitting
• Crochet
• Audiobooks
• Netflix
• Disney Plus
• Puzzles
• Christmas music
• Backpacks (I LOVE backpacks, and have several of them!)
• Edible cookie dough
• Comforters
• My bed
• Songs that speak to me (and when they come on the radio at the right time)
• Alone time
• Silence (sometimes, I just prefer to have silence over sound)
• Notebooks and pens (I love notebooks, and have accumulated a very large number of them, especially composition notebooks)
• Making a sweater for my dad
• Learning new crochet stitches

To those who celebrate, happy Thanksgiving!! What are you thankful for this year?

New York Times Journaling

Yesterday, I saw a post on the Girls' Life website (yes, I read Girls' Life, as they do have some good ideas), about a trend going around on TikTok about NYT journaling.

Basically, you read the Times (or any newspaper of your choosing), then cut out articles, headlines, or photos that spark an interest with you, and put them into a notebook, as a sort of time capsule/collage-type journal.

I loved the idea, so I have been reading my local newspapers (something which I have seldom done up until now), and already have a nice collection of articles and photos that interested me.

This type of journaling is a very good way of remembering the events that have happened, and gives people a creative outlet in life, and I don't know why I didn't think of doing this before!

Journaling is one of my favorite things to do, as it gives me a sense of what I want to say, and it helps me remember the things that are important. I am a shy, quiet person, so this gives me a voice.

It helps me to say the things I want and need to say, when I can't find the words to say what I want out loud.

My collection so far. Sorry for the blurry picture, my phone camera just wouldn't cooperate with me, and this was the best I could get.

I can't wait to start putting my journal together, with all of the newspaper clippings I collect. I am always looking for creative things to do, and this is one thing I am happy to try out.

Where I See Myself in the Next 5 Years

I always think about my future, and what I hope to do, and making lists like this helps me think about the steps I need to take, in order to do these things.

Here is how and where I see myself in the next five years:

• Saving most of the money I earn
  
  
  
• Living on my own
  
  
  
• Working on my photography degree
  
  
  
• More confident in myself
  
  
  
• Being in a loving, caring, healthy relationship with a significant other
  
  
  
• Engaged
  
  
  
• Married
  
  
  
• Starting my own family
  
  
  
• Having my driver's license (and being more confident in my driving abilities)
  
  
  
• Traveling more
  
  
  
• Working on writing my first book

I may add a few more things to this, but as of right now, this is where I see myself in the next five years. And I am pretty happy with what I put down.

Now, I just need to work on making these things happen!

2020 Joni and Friends Walk 'N' Roll

Yesterday, we held the annual Joni and Friends Walk 'N' Roll over Zoom.

It would normally have been in person, of course, but with how this year has gone, that was not possible. There is usually a 3-mile walk, lunch, activities, and music.

This year, there was prayer, music, a game (pictionary), and a recap of how much money was raised.

It was good to see some of my JAF friends, and to raise money for the organization (the fundraiser is being kept open for the rest of the month, so if you are interested, and are able to donate, you can find out more, and to go to my page HERE).

I raised 45% of my goal, which is not bad for me. I was actually kind of surprised I was able to raise as much as I did, but I am also happy about that.

Joni and Friends is an amazing organization, that does so much for people with disabilities, and their families.

Hopefully next year, we can have the event in person, as long as 2021 goes better than this year.

Grief Letters

I have recently started attending Grief Share sessions via Zoom, and in this week's session, writing grief letters was one thing that was talked about in the video we watched.

A co-worker turned me on to Grief Share, and at first, I wasn't sure I wanted to attend, partly because my loss was so long ago, and also because I am not a talkative person, especially with people I don't know.

I decided to give it a try, though, and I am glad I did. Each session has good information to use in my own journey with loss and grief, no matter how long it has been.

The thought of writing grief letters to people, explaining the situation, and what I would need or want from someone, intrigued me.

I never really thought about doing something like that, but now that I heard about grief letters, I have already started writing a few to people in my life, letting them know about what is going on, and what I need.

I don't know which ones I will actually send/give to people, but actually having my wishes and thoughts written down in these letters definitely helps with the healing process. It's not in my head anymore, stressing me out. And people will know how they can help in my healing process.

Since I have a hard time talking (in general, not just about grief), writing these letters is perfect for me. I can say what is on my mind, and let my loved ones know what I want and need. I won't have to feel awkward for speaking up, or feel like I am being judged.

It was said in the video, and in the session, that we don't necessarily have to send the letters or give the letters to the people with whom they are for, but it helps with the grieving and healing process to get it all out.

Thank you to my co-worker, for sharing Grief Share with me. It does help with my journey, and I will absolutely use what I have gained from these sessions in my everyday life.

Grieving Without a Timeline

Since September of last year, there were 2 deaths of co-workers of mine, one happening over this past summer, which brought up all the emotions and grief of losing my mom, that I have had since her death.

Since I am normally a quiet person, I tend to keep my emotions, my thoughts, and how I am feeling to myself a lot of the time, mainly because the person I really want to talk to, the one whom I always went to, is the one I am grieving.

Yesterday, I attended my first ever Grief Share session (through Zoom, of course, because of the pandemic), to help me get through these emotions, the grief, and the thoughts going around in my mind.

It was uncomfortable for me to talk in the group, and hearing the others talk about their losses made me tear up, but it was good to talk about how I am feeling these days, as I really wanted to say something to someone.

A co-worker turned to on to Grief Share, and I was hesitant to talk with people I don't know, but I decided to give it a try.

And, to be honest, I am kind of glad I did.

Because grief will always be there. It never goes away, no matter how long it has been. There is no set timeline of when grief will end. It won't.

I have learned that over the years, especially the past year or so, with everything that happened.

Everything that I go through reminds me that grief will always be with me, no matter what I do, where I go, or how long time has passed.

I will always grieve for my mom, until I get to see her again.

If I Had 3 Wishes

There are many things that I wish for in life, like a lot of other people.

But, if I had 3 wishes that would come true, these are what I would wish for:

1. To see my mom again
   My mom died almost 10 years ago, and I miss her very, very, very much. Our relationship wasn't perfect, but I loved her, and will always love her. Not having her here anymore has been very hard, and I sometimes have a hard time dealing with that. I am so grateful to have had her in my life for as long as I did, but I would to love see her one more time.
   
   She was the one I always went to, to talk. Without her, I have been having a much harder time talking to people, especially about the tough stuff.
   
   I know this one won't happen here on earth, it is my biggest wish.
   
   
2. To get married and have children
   I have always dreamed of getting married, and starting my own family. I just haven't been given any opportunities to find the one I love, the one I want to spend the rest of my life with. 
   
   Having a family of my own is one of my top dreams in life, and I would love to see it come true sooner rather than later.
   
   
3. To not be so afraid to live my life; not to be afraid of being independent
   I am a very shy person by nature, so doing some things by myself is intimidating. Especially talking to people (particularly people I don't know, am not friends with, or don't talk with very often), making phone calls, living on my own, and other things that require me to do it myself.
   
   I do want to work on this, and I hope to not be so afraid of independence soon. I miss out on a lot of worthwhile experiences and opportunities, because of this.
   
   I want to be as independent as I possibly can, and to live the life I want.
   
   I want to be free of the fear that is holding me back, free from the self-doubt, free to be me.

3 Goals To Complete By the End of 2020

I saw a pin on Pinterest for this, and I was immediately able to think of the three goals I would like to work on. 

Hopefully I can at least start on them this year, if I can't complete them.

So, here are the three goals I would like to complete by the end of 2020.

1. Get my bedroom cleaned up
   
   This one I have a hard time mustering up the motivation to get started. The main reason is because there is so much stuff to go through, that is littering the floor of my room, that I just don't want to do anything about it. 
   
   
   I am not a neat freak by any means, but I am really not liking having such a messy room, so hopefully I can work on it a little each day. I am planning on doing around 30 minutes of cleanup a day, and go from there.
   
   
2. Start an exercise routine that works for me
   
   And keep it up. I don't really take very good care of myself, and I want to work on that. I feel bad for not taking better care of my body, and I actually have been checking out exercise DVDs from the library, so I actually have started this one (sort of).
   
   
   I am hoping to start out with 3 to 4 days a week of exercise, 30 minutes each day, and go from there.
   
   
3. Start a mental health routine that works for me
   
   And, like #2, keep it up. I have been struggling with my mental health lately, not just with covid, but other things as well. I love to write, so journaling (and writing in general) will definitely be one thing I will do more of by the end of this year.
   
   
   I am also hoping to take up painting, coloring in coloring books, walks in the neighborhood, reading more, relaxing in a bath, photography (one of my passions/hobbies), baking (another passion/hobby), knitting and crochet, and a few other things.

A Fear I Would Like to Overcome

I have a few fears in life, that I would like to overcome, like most anyone else.

The one I would like to overcome the most, is my fear of being independent. Of relying on myself more than anyone else.

For most of my life (including my teenage and adult years), I have relied on other people for doing some of the more important things for me, like doctor appointments, driving me places, calling people (especially people I don't know/have never called before), and things like that.

I have been able to some things without the help of others, like get a job, as well as getting items that let me live more independently, but this is still a work in progress. A very long process.

I always doubt myself, thinking I can't do things without the help of others, even if I know I can, even if I have done it before. It doesn't matter if it's easy or hard, I always have doubts about doing it myself, so I always stall.

And I really want to work on that. It prevents me from doing things I most want to do.

I hate being to scared to do the things I really want to do, especially without the help or prompting from others, yet I am also scared of doing anything to change that.

Change is always hard, no matter the type of change. But, I am willing to take steps to become more and more independent, so I don't have to heavily rely on others all the time.